If Only Everything Were Always Ideal...

They offered me a job working in the kitchen three days a week at Allika's school. It's pretty much the same thing I was doing before on a volunteer basis, but I get paid for it now. I thought that was pretty cool.

I've already been able to be there when she's experienced a difficult situation or had something exciting to show me. That makes me feel good.

She's learning a lot of social lessons that have been very good for her and us both. She's learning how to treat the fat boy in her class that everyone else thinks is full of germs. She's learning how to be friends with the little girl who doesn't have any other friends and sometimes thinks that even Allika doesn't want to be her friend. She's had to set boundaries when some of the kids have been mean to her. She was able to handle a difficult situation by confronting it in a respectful way and getting her teacher involved. She has had to face fears and learn that everything doesn't always turn out as badly as she thinks it will. We have had to work with her and guide her through learning how to handle some of these situations, so I think we have been learning some new parenting skills, as well.

I am so proud of her! I think she is learning so many life lessons that will be extremely valuable to her as she grows up and has to deal with some of the same situations, but on a larger scale and in an uncontrolled environment.

I'm not sure that she would have been provided with the same scenarios by just staying at home with Van and me. She does have neighborhood friends, church friends, and other home-educated friends, but even in those environments, she would not be faced with the same kind of situations as she has been at school. Plus, her contact with those people is much more limited.

There are still so many things I prefer about home-schooling. When I think of going back to it, however, I see that there are a lot of really great things I would be giving up at her school. I am coming to realize that there are pros and cons to each option, but I can't have the best of both worlds. I don't know, maybe there's something out there that does offer that option. That would be ideal.

Until I find it, though, I am slowly coming to terms with this new transition in our lives. It has been good in many ways. We will continue to see how it goes through the summer.

Changes

As you can see, I've been making a few changes to my blog. Nothing much, but I like it. I am really technologically challenged, so changes will probably be slow over the life-time of my blog.

Another change to report is that we have officially decided to send Allika to the new school. She will start next Tuesday. We went out and got her uniforms. She is so excited about wearing those. More power to ya, kiddo.

I have been in somewhat of a depression over the whole thing. My mom finally got it. She said, "You feel like you're losing your job." It was so nice to talk to her about it and know she understood. I feel this emptiness when I think about having 35 hours a week without her. I know it isn't going to be that drastic because I will be volunteering at her school part of that time, but it still will be a different kind of interaction with her.

I also feel sad when I think of leaving the whole "home-schooling culture." It definitely is a sub-culture, a different way of thinking, and a way of life. It is kind of like leaving one religion for a different one. Yes, that is a dramatic way of putting it, but that is how I roll. I just have to keep being honest with my feelings and emotions over this.

There are these really militant home-educators who will not let me off very easily. But there were also these really militant public educators who gave me a hard time when we decided to home-school. It just goes to show you that child-rearing decisions are very personal and must be made by the parents, with the child's best interest in mind.

I am so scared of bullies, perverts, and anything that might hurt my daughter. We are trying this over the summer (because they have school year-round), and you better believe that if something doesn't seem quite right, we will resume home-schooling or another alternative in a heart-beat. I know I am very intense and high-strung about this, but education is a very formative part of a child's development. Of course, I'm studying that part of development in college right now, and it's scaring the snot out of me. I cannot take it too lightly.

We already decided not to let her take the bus because it was an extra TWO HOURS (!!!!!!!) every day just riding the stinkin' bus! That's forty-five hours a week of her being gone. No way. She's only seven for crying out loud!! Those are adult working hours! It will mean an extra forty miles of driving a day, but it's worth it to spend some quality time with her in the mornings on her way to school and discussing her day after we pick her up.

We will see where God takes us. For now, we are taking this huge step ever so gingerly. We don't know what he is doing, but he is doing something, and we will trust him with the outcome.

Okay, onto something else I wanted to share with you all. I got the reports back from my blood tests and ultra sound, and I am still doing great! The thyroglobulins (of which you ideally want to have none) were not undetectable, but they were really low, so they will just keep an eye on them.

When I went in to get my ultra-sound, the lady told me that it is not uncommon to find more lymph nodes, so I got kind of nervous. Then, she started clicking away on her keyboard and measuring and holding the ultra-sound head in one spot for a really long time. So, of course, I was thinking, "Great! She found another one! You've got to be kidding me! I don't want to go through this all over again!"

Well, we got all done, and she said I could go. Just like that. I looked at her and asked if I needed to talk to the doctor or anything. She said that she hadn't found anything to bring to the doc's attention, so I was good to go. Phew!! That little scare there made the relief even more palpable when I got the good news.

Thank you, God, for another six months of good health!

Big Decisions, Part II

Today, we all went to check out the school we are thinking about sending Allika to.

When we pulled into the parking lot we all sat there and prayed together that God would give us wisdom and help us to see what he wanted us to see. We asked that he would open and close doors in an obvious way and that our hearts would be very sensitive to his direction, even if it would involve sacrifices and inconveniences on our part.

I know some of you probably think we're taking this a little too seriously, but I do believe it will have a great effect on Allika's future and the direction of her life.

Van and I got to observe in several of the classes, and Allika got to attend the classes as a guest. She absolutely loved it. She was a little awkward socially (go figure), but was very excited that several of the kids liked her. She did very well academically. She will be put in 2nd grade for reading and the advanced math class. She will finish out the remainder of 1st grade in all her other subjects (science, art, phys.ed., music, geography).

They do teach both creation and evolution. A note is sent home to the parents when evolution is being taught to let them know what aspects are being covered and when. That way, when the kids are at home, the parents can go over exactly what is being taught. They also allow the kids to choose not to participate in those portions of the lessons if it goes against their beliefs to do so.

They do really well at adapting to each individual child's level of learning. They do one-on-one teaching with children who need it. We saw little desks set up all over with a teacher and a student working together on something. In addition, children are put in higher grades if the child is advanced in a particular subject. They also set their classes up with different "stations" of specific aspects of the same subject. The children rotate through stations and learn about a particular subject from various angles. I believe they referred to it as differentiation. It gives students the opportunity to learn according to their particular learning style.

Everything is very hands-on, even in the higher grades. The kids are also encouraged to be a part of some of the decisions regarding the school. They vote for what equipment to buy for the playground (they get votes for different decisions based on how many books they read), they help to build the playground, they clean parts of the school that they have a personal connection to. It gives them a sense of ownership and responsibility.

They value parental involvement and require it, so I am excited to get involved in Allika's school that way. Today, she was asking me and Van to please leave, so I don't know how thrilled she will be to have me there, but oh well. It's part of life.

All our questions and worries were answered very satisfactorily. There just seem to be several indications to go ahead with it that we probably shouldn't ignore. One thing we find very interesting is that we are scheduled to start April 6, and there are over 200 people on the waiting list to get in. How did that happen when we weren't even actively pursuing an education with them? The other thing is that all our reasons for why we wouldn't want to send her to school (which are probably different than most people who home-school) are no longer valid in this situation. When we combine that with some concerns we have had lately about some things that are hard to explain here, we wonder if God isn't preparing the way before us to send her to this school.

The only thing that's really hard for me is not being able to be with her all the time. I know part of parenting is slowly letting go, but this doesn't seem very slow. I love spending time with her and getting to experience life together. I also dreamed of being a home-school mom. It is how I always pictured we would be. I don't like to admit defeat, but I do think this will be better for her in the long run. I know not everyone will understand or agree with our decision, but I also know that they aren't aware of all the details surrounding our decision. They still may not agree even if they were.

Anyway, I think we are leaning toward giving this a try. It is a huge decision. To some of you, it may not seem that way, but for me, it really is difficult.

Big Decisions, Part I

We have been presented with an interesting situation. It is one that we were not actively seeking out, nor did we see coming.

It has happened so quickly that I am not sure what to think about it.

We got a call from a friend this week whose children were accepted into a very nice charter school that is really hard to get into. There are long waiting lists and they do a lottery to choose new families.

She informed us that they had one opening for 1st grade. So, Van gave them a call and, sure enough, they just needed to do a placement test and get our registration form, and we would be all set to start April 6th.

Just to give you a little background - we had looked into this school several years ago and were really impressed with it. They have school year-round which helps the students retain more of what they learn and gives really nice breaks all year long (one complete week or more off per month on average). They also get one month off in the summer, so they don't have to be in school the whole time all their friends are out for Summer Break. They adapt the style of learning to each individual student because they understand that not all students learn in the same way. Parental involvement is mandatory; you are required to volunteer a certain amount of hours each week. Art and science are the emphasis, although they teach all subjects from a classical curriculum (you can google what that means because that is almost a whole other post). We have been informed that they teach both creation and evolution (we haven't verified that yet, but we will), which is what we plan on doing in home-schooling in order to help her form a very intentional and studied-out worldview.

Another thing we like is that a large majority of the students there were formerly home-educated and are part of families who have a lot of the same moral standards and beliefs that we have. I know that doesn't necessarily mean anything because those kids can sometimes be the worst ones when they are given a little freedom, but sometimes it ends up being the other way around instead.

Anyway, for various reasons, we did not end up sending her there.

And now we are faced with this very sudden decision.

We are rather conflicted about it. Home-schooling has started to feel more comfortable, and yet, there are still some issues involved.

Allika has a hard time interacting with and relating to children her own age. She is an only child and also experienced some minor "bullying" issues in the Montessori school she was in previous to home-schooling. These factors cause her to relate extremely well to adults, but shy away from forming new relationships with children her age.

I am well aware of all the talking points home-schoolers use regarding socialization. I was home-schooled growing up and, obviously, home-school my own daughter. I understand that home-schooling itself does not cause socialization problems for children later on in life. However, I do believe that there may be other issues that could potentially hold a child back socially, and I am not sure if Allika experiences those issues or not.

(By the way, there are several things involved which I can't really share on this blog at this point. I guess that seems kind of unfair to those of you reading my blog and trying to understand our dilemma.)

Her counselor has told me that I wear too many hats in my relationship with her because I am, of course, her mother, but I also have to take on the roles of friend, sibling, and teacher. If you will remember a while back, I posted about some of the difficulties being her teacher has added to our relationship. She has advised that allowing someone else to fill the role of teacher would free me up to be her mother and friend.

Having said all that, I have gotten to a place where I think home-schooling is working better for us. We are approaching the end of our first year, and I am looking forward to beginning our second year in the Fall. I love getting to teach her things, although it hasn't been as "Little House on the Prairie-ish" as I had originally envisioned. Having her home with me is wonderful, and I will certainly miss her during those thirty-five hours a week that she will be gone. I ask myself if that is a valid reason to keep her home with me or just my controlling nature.

Here in the cities there are so many opportunities for home-schoolers that I never had growing up. There are excellent drama clubs, speech clubs, debate teams, competitive sports, and so many other options for kids who are taught at home. I have joined a really great and supportive home-school coop and will be able to put Allika in various classes one day a week next year.

Furthermore, our community offers many wonderful learning opportunities at very affordable prices.

All of these should provide Allika with plenty of chances to socialize and learn from someone besides me.

But not on a daily basis.

And she is still an only child.

And I would be deeply involved with her education if it were out of the home.

And they would capitalize on her strengths, which happen to be my weaknesses (art and science).

And I could go on and on with the dilemma we find ourselves faced with.

So, we wonder - is God plopping this in our laps because it would be a beneficial change? Or is God using this difficult choice to cement our decision to home-school our daughter?

We still have a meeting with them to test Allika and observe several classes. There are still doors God can swing wide open or slam completely shut. I wish he always worked that way. But sometimes he doesn't make it very obvious, and we don't feel his definite leading until years later when we can clearly see why we were supposed to do one thing over another.

In the meantime, we will keep asking for wisdom.

Confessions of Grumpy Homeschool Mamma

We say a prayer before we start school every morning. Allika thanks God for the day and the nice time that she hasn't had yet, nor is going to have. It's kind of a practice in futility, except I suppose she's learning the discipline of starting her work with prayer.

So, then I pray. I ask God to help me have a good attitude and to help Allika to do her best and work really hard and learn a lot. Another practice in futility. Sigh.

The other day, she told her grandma that she didn't like me teaching her because I always get angry with her every time she makes a mistake. She always makes me look like a saint when it matters most. (There was also the time when she told grandma that I took her money from her, placing her at the poverty level, so could grandma please send her .47 cents.)

Anyway, I could explain here that her idea of anger is my idea of strict enforcement. I could also tell you that she does not have a competitive bone in her body, which is good in some senses, but not when she does not grasp the reason why she should try her hardest at something. Furthermore, I could explain that she gets distracted very easily (huge understatement), which presents a challenge when she is supposed to be writing the word "weed," but, instead, finds the speck of Crystal Lite powder on the table much more fascinating.

Here is an example of a typical conversation during a school session:

Me: Allika, where is the one's place? (This is after Van has extensively gone over this concept with her the previous day.)

Allika: I don't know.

Me: Remember that it is all the way over to the right of a number?

Allika: (Absent-mindedly) Oh.

Me: So where is the one's place?

Allika: All the way over to the right.

Me: (Getting really excited that she finally got it) Good! So which number is in the one's place?

Allika: (Looking at the number 112) The one.

Me: No Allika, which number is all the way over to the right?

Allika: The two.

Me: (Excitedly again) Right! So, which number is in the one's place?

Allika: The one.

Me: (Starting to get somewhat exasperated) No! What is the one's place?

Allika: I forgot.

Me: The number all the way to the right.

Allika: Oh.

Me: So which number is all the way over to the right?

Allika: The two.

Me: So which number is in the one's place?

Allika: The one.

Me: No, Allika. It's the two. (I know my mother would roll over in her grave if she were dead. She is a firm believer in never giving the answer.)

So we go through a similar process with the ten's and hundred's place. Then, I ask her to write the number one-hundred-and-one. She writes it out like this: 1001. I am beyond frustrated at this point.

In the middle of all this, she is spacing out and getting side-tracked by all manner of things that tickle her fancy...like the light switch.

This leads me to what happened a few days ago. We had said our standard prayer before beginning our school day. Allika had thanked God for the great fun she was having and I had asked for patience and a good attitude.

Things began to rapidly deteriorate as I tried to get her to focus on her work, pay attention, do her best, and have a good attitude. (It's somewhat ironic to me when I yell, "You need to have a good attitude, Allika!!!")

In the middle of this loss of control I was displaying, Allika looked up at me and said, "I guess God didn't answer your prayer, Mom."

"Why?"

"Because you asked him for a good attitude and he didn't give it to you."

*Gulp*

"Allika, he did answer my prayer because I don't have a bad attitude. I'm just trying to be strict with you because you need to do your best and pay attention and work hard and have a good attitude."

*Lie*

Well, I've been thinking a lot about that. A lot. A great amount of a lot.

I realized that so many times I have asked God for something and waited for him to make it happen. I forget that sometimes I am the answer to my own prayer. Is God going to sprinkle me with a good attitude just because I ask him? Is God going to send money from heaven to my friend because I prayed that he would help them through these difficult financial times? Is God going to make my marriage better because I've asked him to show my husband the areas he needs to change?

Maybe.

But just as likely, I will have to make choices to control my behavior when I feel like letting all my emotions hang out.

It's possible that I am the one who God will use to bless my friend in a monetary way.

It could be that God wants me to change my faults, fix my attitude, and love my husband unconditionally through all his weaknesses and imperfections in order to enjoy my marriage.

James 2:14-17 says, "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, 'Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

Last night, I asked my daughter what she would change about our family if she could change one thing.

She said it would be me getting grumpy all the time during school.I told her that she was right, and that was going to change immediately.

Today, I let go of all my exasperation and frustration and corrected her kindly. I made a deliberate choice to only respond softly and gently and to walk away for a while if I thought I would lose it.

Her performance went up by 100%.

She said, "This is the specialist day in a long time."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you're not being so grumpy anymore."

It looks like God answered my prayer after all.

A List of Adventures

There are times when I think I would really like to live out in the country on a large plot of land and just enjoy life from that perspective. The last few weeks have shown me that there are some great advantages to living in a big city, though. There are so many things to do and a lot of them are free. It's been so fun spending time together doing some of those things over the past several weeks.

I am thankful to be a part of a really great home-school coop. One of the things we've done recently is go on a field trip with the rest of the group to the Science Museum. They're having an exhibit on the Titanic right now. We got to see the exhibit and the Imax film on the Titanic, and Allika loved it. She also got to experience the rest of the museum which is hands-on science. I should be honest with you here and let you know that she is not the most focused person. She takes after her mother who does not like to spend a lot of time absorbing one thing when there's so much else to see and do. Poor Van has no hope. He likes to stay at one little, tiny display until he has processed all the information there is to process and then some. Ahh! It just drives me crazy. We are not the cute, little couple walking through the museum, holding hands and discussing what we are seeing. We are the guy who gets very annoyed at the girl for being so impatient and the girl who gets very frustrated at the guy for always being about 25 exhibits behind when there are still 1,000 more things to see. It's very romantic.


Sorry my pictures are blurry. This is the science guy doing his thing. Very cool.


Allika and her friend in front of an iceberg display.

(Wow! Really blurry pictures. Apparently, I don't like standing still in front of a display long enough to take a picture either.)

Another thing we did recently was attend a free college symphony concert that was performing "Peter and the Wolf." They really tried to make it for the children, so they had an instrument "petting zoo" before hand, where the kids could play all the symphony instruments. They also had a little craft and snacks for everyone. It was very nice, and Allika really enjoyed it. The conductor was so cool with the kids. He told them he needed them to help him conduct the symphony for one song, showed them what it involved, and then stepped back and had all the kids in the audience "conduct" for him. It was so cute to see Allika get jiggy with it when the music got really loud and exciting. Van and I were laughing. She kept looking over at us and telling us to stop laughing. It was really hard.

For their performance of "Peter and the Wolf," they had their Opera professor come out and read the story while they showed pictures of it up on the screen. It really made the music come alive for Allika and helped her to appreciate all the instruments and what message they were trying to convey. I was very impressed with everything they did that night.







We also got to go to the free Christian Community Fair last week. It was fun to see all the different Christian ministries in the Twin Cities and learn about the various ways we could get involved. Of course, I wanted to volunteer for everything from mentoring victims of domestic violence to building houses for Habitat for Humanity. Van kind of has to keep me in check because I'm a little unrealistic when it comes to how many more things I can fit into my schedule. What I was really looking for was something we could all do together as a family. I did find some things, so I will be looking into them and keeping you posted.

They had a lot of fun things for the kids, so Allika got to ride a pony for the first time, catch a fish for the first time, jump on the inflatables and do the inflatable obstacle courses, enjoy the petting zoo, see a real bald eagle up close, go on a treasure hunt that she never finished, and a few other things.







Our adoption agency also put on a "Circus of the Heart" for people who are waiting to adopt or who have already adopted. It's just pretty much a big carnival. I thought it would be something that provided more information and opportunities for networking with case-workers. It was fun, though, so I'm not complaining. I always like to do fun things with the family, especially when they're free.

The last recent event I will tell you about was really neat because Allika and Van got to do it together as their date on Tuesday night while I was at school. We are really trying to help her be more outward focused during the holidays instead of just thinking about herself and all her wants. There are several things we are tying to do to accomplish that, and maybe I'll write about them sometime, but one of the things we're doing is looking for service projects we can do for those who don't have all the advantages we have during the holidays. That is why, on Tuesday night, Van and Allika were found making Christmas cards to send to the orphans who don't get any cards during Christmas. It was another event our adoption agency sponsored, and both Allika and Van really thought it was a lot of fun. Allika did find that she is more creative than Van when it comes to making cards.





Anyway, those are some of the things we've been enjoying together lately. I still wouldn't mind living out in the country someday, but until then, I can enjoy whatever I'm doing, wherever I'm doing it as long as I can spend time with my wonderful family...even going to the museum.

Does Anyone Mind if I Scream?

My summer has not gone as planned.

I know. Huge news flash, right?

It has been filled with surgeries and doctor's appointments and recoveries and schedule-jugglings and stuff.

I wanted it to be this totally great and fun summer for my daughter. I had planned all sorts of activities that we were going to do together, but they never happened.

We have squeezed a few things in here and there, but I feel really badly about what I have not done. I am sad that summer is almost over.

Today, I went through all of Allika's curriculum and planned out her daily schedule for the next four weeks. We have decided to home-school her, and I couldn't be more excited. Yes, there are a lot of "what-ifs" and "what-on-earth-are-you-thinking-I-can't-believe-you-would-do-such-a-thing-at-this-point-in-you-lifes," but I welcome those challenges and love to discuss the differing viewpoints on the issue. Maybe I will write a post about that...someday.

I am also in the process of getting my school schedule figured out without a lot of cooperation from my academic adviser. I feel like I am entering the twilight zone when I walk into that office. Just recently she refused to give me a schedule I needed because she insisted that I already had it. Do you know how completely hair-wrenching that can be? When someone can control your destiny by telling you what you do and don't have without any real ability to know what you do and don't have? I think I can read the papers you gave me, and no, that schedule is not amongst them. She concludes that I must have just lost it in the ten minutes it took me to drive from her office to my house. Okay, we will go with that. Can you just send me another one? No, because I already gave it to you.

Ooooh. Power trip.

*Scream*

*Rip hair out*

Do I have a sign on my face that says, "Please just be completely inefficient and incompetent in your dealings with me because I'd like nothing more than to have to report you to your supervisor because it really adds a lot of time to my already hectic and crazy life."

Seriously. There was that time at Wub-Say, when they were going to make me take the meatballs off my own sandwich with my fingers because they couldn't put marinara sauce and pepperoni on the same sandwich, but they could put meatballs with marinara sauce and pepperoni on the same sandwich. No, I am not making these things up.

It's seriously the sign on my face.

Then, there was the time at our friendly mega huge super store that rhymes with Shmall-shmart. They wouldn't give me the money back for a brand new sewing machine that had a manufacturer's defect. Their reason? It was not their machine to guarantee; it was the manufacturer's. I would have to call the manufacturer to get my money back.

They really think I'm stupid, and I can't figure out why. I was tossing around possible reasons with my husband, who wisely agreed that he couldn't figure out why they thought I was stupid either. I came up with the theory that I must look like trailer trash and everyone thinks they can pull one over on me.

It's a theory anyway. Any other ideas?

Sorry for the very angry post. Thanks for letting me rant.