Yes, we are still trying to adopt. As we get closer to March, we get closer to a lot of our paperwork expiring and the need to have to redo and update most of it. It can get very frustrating since this will be the beginning of our third year of paperwork. (The first year was grossly mishandled by our case worker. We got a new and wonderful case worker last year, and now, we begin another year with her.) We will also have to go through twelve more hours of education.
A few months back, I was trying to locate a specific e-mail from our adoption agency. To my surprise, I found an e-mail that I had never seen or opened, which is really strange because I check every day for e-mails from the adoption agency. Really strange. It was about three weeks old. When I opened it, I felt my body just go weak because our case worker was asking us if we would be interested in submitting our home study for two sisters who were three and four years old.
"YES, YES, YES!!!" I wrote back. But it was too late.
I was so upset and disappointed about that. I actually had a little talk with God. I said, "You KNEW I wanted those girls!"
Van said God was not surprised by that e-mail. He had known about it all along.
The following Monday, I got another e-mail from our case worker. This time I opened it right away, and she was asking to submit our case study for a little girl named Karianna. Her nick-name is Kari.
I was so excited because somewhere in my mind, I thought this must be the reason why I didn't get the last e-mail in time. Kari must be the one we are meant to adopt.
A few weeks later we got another letter, telling us we had been selected as one of the final 15 families to be reviewed for the possibility of becoming Kari's family.
Excitement. Maybe this will be it!
Two months later and we have not been chosen.
Somehow knowing her name makes it harder. I kept thinking, "Kari." I would think of her name and picture her face. It kind of led to me imagining her as our daughter. You can't help it. When you are waiting and waiting for something, and you think it might finally become a reality, you start to let your mind imagine it happening, even though you try to tell yourself not to.
I guess that's why we try to stay pretty emotionally neutral. Sometimes you let your imagination get a little too carried away, though.
So, we're coming up on another year of more paperwork and more classes. We keep filling those forms out and signing up for those classes because we know that someday there will be a match. Our daughter is out there waiting, perhaps just as skeptically, for a mom and dad who think the world of her, a sister who will smother her and drive her insane, and a home that isn't perfect by any means but is full of grace and love.